We Are Published!

Our adoption profile is up and running! It has been a lot of hard work over these last few months, but our profile can now be viewed nationwide. We are excited to have reached this stage of our family plans.

https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/28312466/ourMessage.jsf

This is where we need your help! Please pass our profile along to anyone and everyone you know! You never know who may know someone who may be the answer to our prayers. You can post it to your blog, send it to friends and family in an email, etc.

We are starting with LDS Family Services, but we are also exploring other paths such as private adoption and other agencies.

Thank you so much for your good thoughts, prayers, and kind words. They mean more than you can possibly know. We love you all!

A Different Path

Life is interesting. Tyler and I have been praying and praying for direction for our family, and it always kind of felt like our prayers were not being answered. This fall they were finally answered, just not in the way we were expecting.

After years and years of struggling with infertility, Tyler and I finally got to the point where we were ready to move forward with in vitro fertilization (IVF). It takes some couples a lot less time, but we wanted to try all of our other options first, and then it just took us a while to feel emotionally ready. We wanted to wait until after we got back from our Europe trip so we wouldn't have to worry about missing any doctors visits or morning sickness on our trip. We our preliminary appointment before we left, and as soon as we got back we started doing the prep work. We had already done many tests over the years, but there are special tests that check to make sure your body will respond well to IVF. At the end of September the clinic called with one of the test results, and it was bad. Very bad. So bad that they thought maybe there was an error with the test, so they told me not to worry and they would test again in October. We had a month to try (unsuccessfully) not to worry, and we tested again. We had an appointment with our fertility specialist who broke the news to us.

The test we failed was the ovarian assessment report, which checks the ovarian reserve (how many eggs I have). My test results were so low that my score actually fell off the chart. He said if I ever did have any eggs, I probably lost them years ago before I got married. Even with IVF, our chances of conceiving are close to 0%. To add to the despair, my FSH levels are extremely high because my body has to work so hard to try to ovulate, so even if we did conceive we would have a high chance of miscarriage.

This was devastating news. The doctor was very compassionate. He felt so bad giving us the news, and told us it was the worst news he has to give in his profession. It's so permanent. I was actually somewhat in denial for a while. I told Tyler it feels like when Dumbledore died. I kept expecting him to turn up alive later on in the books. I just couldn't believe that he was actually dead. That's how it feels. Our family has been grieving with us, and they have been extremely supportive. I still grieve for the things we will never have. I don't like to say never, but this is pretty close. We will never have the joy of announcing a pregnancy. I will never know the feeling of carrying life inside of me. As much as people complain about it, I will never be able to experience the ups and downs of pregnancy and the incredible experience of giving birth. People will never tell our children that they look just like us. We'll never get to see what traits they get from Tyler and what traits they get from me. There are many other things we still mourn.

And yet, we also rejoice in knowing that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us. We are grateful to finally have a clear direction. We are grateful to know that our family will grow, although differently from most. We are moving forward with the adoption process and are so excited. It didn't take us long to decide to adopt, and we have been working furiously on the process ever since. It is a ridiculously long process with mountains of paperwork and training, but we are within weeks of getting our profile published! Our families have been so supportive and we look forward to all of the support we know we are going to get from our dear friends.

This post sounds so depressing, but we want you all to know that we are in a good place now. Despite the things we have lost, we are thrilled to be moving forward in this new direction. We look forward to finding our babies, and we will be needing your help! We will let everyone know when our profile is published and then we'll need as many people as possible to spread the word about our desire to grow our family. Stay tuned!

All the rest

I'm sorry, I know you're all sick of this trip. I decided to just do all the rest in one run, so here we go!

Bavaria, heaven on earth! Mad Ludwig of Bavaria was eccentric and a little free with his money. He built several extravagant castles, each paying tribute to the great Richard Wagner. 

 The Bavarian landscape. Heaven, pure heaven.

Linderhof castle, a mini Versailles

Ludwig had a grotto built into the side of the mountain specifically for the 

performances of Wagner's operas.

 

My best buddy!

Linderhof was great, but the Neuschwanstein Castle took my breath away. This castle was the inspiration for the Sleeping Beauty castle in Disneyland.

The hike up to the castle. You had to really want to see it! It is much steeper than it looks. :)

 These pictures are taken at the bridge overlooking the castle.

Front entrance

They didn't allow pictures inside, but about half of the rooms inside were patterned after one of Wagner's operas or music dramas.

Like a fairy tale. . .

After a glorious day in Bavaria, we spent an entire day traveling to . . . . Paris!

 Front gate to Versailles, home of Louis XIV "The Sun King"

  Versailles gardens

The Queen's Hamlet: Marie Antoinette's fantasy village where
she could "play peasant" with her lovers.

Enjoying crepes on our way to Notre Dame

River cruise

Inside the Louvre: Obligatory picture of The Mona Lisa

My two favorite pieces from the museum.

and some more random ones. . .

Napoleon's tomb

on top of the Eiffel Tower

Oh yeah, and Mitt Romney just happened to be speaking in sacrament meeting that day. :)

Almar, our awesome tour guide!

More of Napoleon

The tour directors, tired and ready to go home.

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 For the last few days of the trip Tyler and I said goodbye to the rest of the group and headed out on our own! We took a train to the heart of the Swiss Alps.

No big deal. Just the view from our hotel room. :)

Lauterbrunnen. I have no words. Love.

Hike up to the back of a waterfall

Wild strawberries

The prettiest public water fountain of the whole trip

Yeah, we got really good at the eating part. . .

Grindelwald

The last day of the trip was quite memorable. We took a half day train ride to Bayreuth, a small town close to Munich, to visit Wagner's famous opera theater.

Enjoying the ride

Showing us the way. They really love Wagner here.

 

They know how to grow Dahlias here!

Getting close!

When we got to the hall we found out that it was closed that day to celebrate the beginning of a huge restoration project. They weren't giving any tours that day, which was the whole purpose in coming there. I was so upset, so Tyler worked his magic. To make a long story short, he was very persistent and we were basically begging until one kind soul let us in for what he said was only going to be one minute, with no pictures or anything. We gratefully accepted, and while I was walking around the hall in awe Tyler got on this man's good side by talking about the acoustics of the hall. This man was obviously very proud of the hall, because before long he invited us down to the pit! This is the most significant orchestra pit in all of music history. He told us a lot of really interesting stories about the pit, and right before we left he let me sit on the conductor's chair. Wagner's original chair.

We were so grateful to this man for softening his heart and making our day. It was the perfect ending to the trip.

Congratulations! I'm so impressed you made it all the way through our month-long trip to Europe. As a reward, here's a picture of my Halloween costume this year. I went as Professor Trelawney.