The long, long, LONG road

Working on my dissertation feels like that 135 mile marathon in Death Valley where you have to have a full medical team for every runner. If I had any advice to give to someone starting in on a dissertation (besides DON'T DO IT!), I would tell them to plan on it taking 5 times as long as you think it will. I had no idea I would have to rely on other people's schedule so much. I send a draft to my advisor, and two months later I get some feedback. It is beyond frustrating, but at least I'm still (slowly) moving forward. I finally have my proposal scheduled. I know, a proposal sounds like the very beginning of the dissertation, but it most definitely is not! That proposal is 75 pages of my blood, sweat and tears. It is also the first three chapters of the final dissertation. Anyway, my proposal is scheduled for Friday, April 13th. Friday the 13th! Fortunately, 13 is my lucky number. Besides, I took my comprehensive exams on September 11th and aced them, so bring it on!

Whatever doesn't kill us. . .

I've been thinking about trials lately, and how they are usually for our benefit. On Friday I was talking to my mom about some of the things that I've gone through in the last few years. They haven't been fun, but I know I am a better person because of them. My mom also commented that I am a much better musician now than I was before all of this. I play more musically, with more heart. It is interesting that life experiences can affect my playing so much. It made me think of my days as an undergraduate music major. I was working on a Brahms Sonata. I was playing everything on the page, but there was something missing. My teacher stopped me and said, "You haven't lived life enough to play Brahms." I didn't really get it then, but I get it now. Brahms has heart and soul. There is a depth to his music that a 20 year old girl who has lived in Rexburg her whole life can't possibly understand. When I play now, I play with all of the joy, heartache, frustration, and experience that comes with life.

I taught a lesson yesterday to a college student who just got dumped by his fiancee. They were supposed to get married next month. I've been worried about him, hoping that he would be able to move on with his life. When he played for me yesterday, though, I was blown away. It was the most beautiful playing I had ever heard from him. There was heart. It was very moving. I realized that he was able to use this experience to make him a better musician, and a better person.

I hope we can all recognize the blessings that come from difficult experiences, no matter how large or small they may be.